Sigh. Today has been lame. And what's worse is that the sun is shining extra bright. How can you be in such a terrible mood when it's sunny?! My city has it's pro's and cons. I feel like a kid in elementary school. Not only have I just made a pro's and cons list- but on the list lies a mini rant about how I'm having problems making friends. I feel as if I've just moved from one school to another- but it's taken an entire year to realize you're the outcast without any friends. The outcast is talented, and smart usually... but they're initially the smelly kid, or the one that is a little bat shit crazy and sticks pencils in their nose or licks glue sticks. Now, I smell fabulous (not to toot my own horn, but i've been dousing my body in Old Spice's Matterhorn body wash for a whole week at least now) so I can't be the smelly kid. I just feel like the wierd one that nobody particularily invites out to play at recess. I'm probably closer to the kid sticking pencils in their nose and licking glue sticks. This place has been so hot this year, and I haven't been opposed to taking advantage of it's excessive collection of UV rays. I've been eating that shit up for weeks now, and well, I'm initially black. Now what? I've felt so blown off by everyone I know here. I feel like giving up because I'm tired of making an effort. To expand on this, I actually want to get it off my chest and say that it feels like everyone has blown me off. I take a good few minutes everyday to stare at this giant corkboard in my room and tell myself that it's just filled with good memories. In a few years that's what it will be. For now, it's just one giant collection of people that could really give a rat's bum what I'm up to, where I am, or that i've been an emotional ball of yuck for a while now. And as someone once said "Everyone is just wrapped up in their own lives and is too busy." Well, he's probably right, and I'll take it to heart. I will keep myself busy with the things that make me happy and just wish they could have been a part of it. I'll keep on keeping on, waiting and waiting to start my life and I tell you, once I get my cue, I'm going to pounce on it like it's Sebastian Bach in a wet t-shirt.
I have been fortunate to have people in my life who really are there. It just sucks that in order to have a relationship with them I need to be touching buttons or talking to a screen. Sometimes when I do go out, It feels like a minor sensory load. Too much stimulation for my brain and I either get a tad overwhelmed or almost high off of it. It's wierd. It's also probably a terrible sign. I hate going out alone, but maybe I should haha. I do however, have had the priviledge of good friends visiting me in this far away land, and for that I am "ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!" The award goes out to a few wonderful souls and the most amazing man I could possible ask for. Even more fabulous then Sebastian Bach in a wet tshirt. I should really change that comparison of fabulousness to David in a wet t-shirt because that sounds far more exciting. <3 I miss him, and without that man here on my birthday, it just would have been another lame one for the books like the "planned bar/dancing night" that took place the following weekend when he couldn't stay. That was a waste of perfectly good Jagermeister, that's for sure. I wanna call this weekend a redo- but I don't want to jinx it.
I feel like my rant has probably been long enough, well perfect timing actually considering my brother has just finished the dished. Something today has actually gone well! Goodbye and farewell people who aren't reading this! Because nobody will! WOOO HOOOOOO!!! I'm a ghost!! BAHA IM A GHOST AND IM GOING TO GET GHOSTFACE WASTED ALL BY MYSEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLFF.
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